Romance Shomomance- An Essay by Barb

I've been reading for over 30 years. I honestly think the best romance I ever read was Forever by Judy Blume. It probably wasn't that good, and maybe it wasn't even really a romance, but I was about 12 years old and it had some sexy scenes in it and at the time, it was a thrill and I remember it being a good book.



Now, I pick up a romance and I am turned off. What exactly is my problem? I think I finally figured it out. Its the one liners from the female characters that pisses me off.

"Oh...I'm so innocent, and 5 paragraphs ago I was afraid of you and incredibly virginal, Mr. Rough&Tough, and now all of the sudden, I am going to win you over with my incredible whit and save you from your mean ways. For the past 4 chapters, you were gruff and tough, but now under my recently discovered sexpot spell you are as gentle as a lamb and we will have fantastic sex every chance we get for the next 100 pages, and even when we are in danger and only have a few minutes before the bad guys come to kill us, I'll make sure I crack you up with a few more of my sexy (as sexy as it gets for a recently former virgin who grew up in a convent) one liners ...that will make you thirst for my body even more..."

"Oh, I'm the 30 something ugly duckling and I have no luck with men, and now that I met you, Mr. Handyman, the sexiest man alive, the man who I have miraculously won over, despite my best efforts to resist you and your good deeds. I've finally gave in to you and now you've drilled and hammered me and I think I need to be spackeled ...and now Mr. Sexy Handyman, I am going to sex you up with my tool chest of double entendre lines that you have heard before, but coming from me, they will be so sexy that you'll growl at me and devour my body and I will spend the next ten chapters teasing you every time we talk so that all you can think about is nailing me in every corner of the planet."

I'm sorry...Its not that I don't believe in a good romance. I guess I'm waiting for that incredible one that you just can't put down. "Are you there JudyBlume?... It's me Barb"

Anyone have a good romance for me to read? If you stand behind it...I'll read it. In the meantime, I'll read THE STORY OF EDGAR SAWTELLE, by David Wroblewski.